Where do I start?

Now thinking about Joy and finding out where I derive this. The next logical and chronological step would be to get started. Where do I start? This is sort of where I'm stuck. I truly think without an idea there isn't going to be anything else.

What is the most effective way to do this - how do I get my message out to the masses? Why will people listen to me? I've done this to myself before - I've started down a similar road with Joy and happiness being the goal of my little plans. Now I have an even bigger plan. Why in the past did my others flop so terribly. I wanted to grow medicinal herbs for sale and eventually make my own products. Last time I checked that didn't work out too well. I had a good idea and starting out it looked promising, but it just went nowhere and now the farm where all of that was happening might not be available to do this anymore.

That's ok though - I would have loved to live down on that farm, it was so pretty down there - rolling hills, animals, plants. A nice river to swim or fish in. It has everything. Maybe it's still in my future, I'm not going to forget about it.

I come back to the thing (I don't a better word than thing) I need to know myself and understand myself. I think I do a lot more than I did, but I feel like there is just one missing puzzle piece or fact or something like that that would take me to a whole deeper level. I wrote a poem about it.

Where are the answers for my pain?
Looking here and there again,
I want to understand this world -
But nothing seems to be unfurled,
in front of me I look and look
and try to read a lot of books.
The answers are all inside of you
quit looking so hard you stupid fool!
How can I quit when I seem so near?
Accept, Listen and Hear!