And now for something completely different...

It’s been seven years since I posted to this blog.  Seven of the most interesting and soul killing years I’ve lived.  I’ve gone from carefree to crushed.  It all started two and a half years ago on a particular day in May that by chance or by choice keeps showing up in my life.

May 19th was the day I was married to my first wife.  It was the day my oldest son was born three years later.  Two years ago it was a day that sent my life down a new path that I don’t entirely like yet.  It was that day that I lost my job and the respect of most people in my life.  I am not sure I want to open the door to that low point in my life at the moment.  I will likely need to sometime.  I feel like it has to be open at some point.  It’s not a secret, but I’m still not sure I can go there with any real purpose yet.

Since that day, my life has taken a series of twists and turns that I couldn’t see coming.  I almost feel that it was like driving a car down the road with your eyes closed.  Imagine having only rumble strips to tell you you were drifting to close to the centerline or the ditch.  Angry drivers honking, tailgating and doing all the nasty things drivers who find someone weaving or driving to slow do.  There have been lots of near misses but luckily no more head on crashes.

I’ve felt so alone at times, that the world has turned its back on me.  I still feel that now, trying to find a new job with a criminal record.  There are days when I want to sit in my own mess and feel sorry for myself.  There are days when I want to scream.  I did everything to myself, I created yet another self destructive implosion and I own every part of it.

Today is the day that I begin to turn this life of crap into something good.  I’ve done it three times so far.  I’ve taken a seemingly horrible thing and transformed it into something I can brag about.  I took a drug addiction and made it into a teaching career at one of the pharmacy schools in the country.  I took a shattered divorced thirty year old and found him a beautifully wife, and stared a new family.

So far I’ve managed to get that pretty girl to agree to hang around.  Pretty much everything else has changed.  Mostly because I had no other choice.  I am proclaiming this moment as the point in time where that tide begins to turn.   How is that going to happen?  Hopefully the morning will give me an answer.